Hi everyone, Happy New Year! Sorry I’ve been MIA for a while on my blog… I had a very busy, but wonderful Christmas. I also got sick a few days after Christmas with a sinus infection and I’m still feeling pretty terrible. I just got back from Chicago where I celebrated New Year’s Eve with some of my best friends downtown at the JW Marriott. It was a lot of fun, but I wish I hadn’t been sick. I barely had a voice, had a terrible cough, and was super congested. It was NOT FUN! But I’m still glad I went, I love Chicago and it was an amazing experience.
Anyways, I hope everyone’s 2018 is off to a great start! **WARNING: LONG POST!** I wanted to do a post looking back on 2017 and looking forward into 2018. By doing this, it’ll not only help me to better visualize my goals, but I hope it tells you guys a little more about me. This post is going to get DEEP and I’m going to break my silence on some of the hardest things I went through in 2017. Not everyone knows these things about me, so I just ask that everyone respects my decision to share and remember, this is a judge-free zone! My blog is my outlet for these types of things and I love that I have a place to share what is on my heart. If you don’t like hearing about my life, you don’t have to read. All that I ask is that you respect my decision to share. So, here it goes.
First, let’s look back on 2017 and some of the big milestones (good and bad).
I was lucky enough to travel a lot in 2017 which I’m super thankful for!
January – Disney vacation with the fam. My family was in Disney World for New Year’s Eve last year and two days later we left from Port Canaveral, Florida on a Disney Cruise. It was so much fun, and my little brother had a BLAST since he was only 3 at the time!
June – Work trip to Seattle. It was so cool to be in the PNW for my first time!
July – Panama City Beach, Florida with the fam and one of my best friends! Such an amazing trip. Our house was HUGE! Gosh, I miss warm weather and the beach.
July & October – I had the opportunity to go to New York twice this year for work. July was my first time EVER! I’m super thankful for this. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a huge obsession with New York. It was a dream come true and two trips that I’ll remember forever!
vacation photos from 2017…
What I Learned: I need to travel as much as possible in 2018. It’s part of who I am, and I’m happiest when I’m traveling a lot. Time to plan some trips!!!
- A Trip to the Hospital
In March, I went to the hospital because I had a seizure. My sister (who also happens to be my roommate) heard me fall while I was taking a shower and came in to find me having a seizure. She called 911 while my other roommate and best friend, Tahely made sure I was okay. I remember waking up and seeing my friend Tahely and she was saying “Mollie? Mollie? Are you okay? You had a seizure” I also saw a paramedic standing in my bathroom, and as I was coming back to consciousness I was thinking to myself “Who is this person?!”
My History of Having Seizures
At this point, you’re probably wondering, “why did you have a seizure?” Well, I have epilepsy. I had my first seizure when I was 5 years old. It was a grand mal seizure (A type of seizure that involves a loss of consciousness, violent muscle contractions , and in my case, vomiting). This happened in the middle of the night on the eve of Thanksgiving. My parents drove me to the nearest hospital. From there, I was flown in a helicopter to a children’s hospital downtown. It was extremely scary for my parents, I don’t remember much of it. I remember one thing, and that was waking up and the first thing I saw was my moms face. I was very scared and said “Where am I?” and she said “you’re in the hospital, you had a seizure” she has trying to explain to me what had happened since I was so young and probably didn’t understand why I was there. I may not remember that exact day, but I remember what it was like to grow up with epilepsy. I would have absence seizures pretty often in elementary school, and some of my teachers didn’t have much patience for a kid with epilepsy. It was hard to go through for sure. But, my parents and I are both super thankful that something worse wasn’t wrong with me. They ran all sorts of tests and tested for everything (a brain tumor, brain infections, etc.) and everything came back negative. The conclusion was just the simple fact that I had epilepsy.When I was about 12 years old, I hadn’t had a seizure in a very long time. I was performing well in school, all of my medical tests were coming back normal, so my doctor decided to wean me off of my medicine. I didn’t take my medicine all through middle school or high school and I was seizure free. In March of 2012, I had a seizure for the first time in years. A month later, I had another one in the middle of a parking lot where two ladies found me and called 911 (I was about to get in a car and drive. If I had drove, this seizure could have been fatal). After that, my parents and I decided it was time to see a neurologist and get back on medicine.Since going on medicine, I have been able to control my epilepsy which I’m very thankful for. Throughout college, I was able to have an amazing experience (go out, drink, stay up late, etc.) and I had no seizures freshman-senior year (thank you meds!!!) I started to become careless and not take 3 doses per day which is what I was prescribed and directed to take. I figured “I haven’t had a seizure in 4 years and I’ve missed pills before, I’ll be fine.” I guess, secretly, I was kind of hoping that I could wean myself off of the medicine to a point where my doctor would say “yeah, you can probably take a smaller dosage now.” This wasn’t the case, and it was silly of me to think that.March 22nd, 2017 was a scary day for me. But I’m thankful for my close friends and family who were there for me. It meant the absolute world and made me feel super loved. In a weird way, I’m thankful for my epilepsy and where it has brought me today. It’s shown me how strong I am, I haven’t let a minor disability affect my life. I still graduated college with a marketing degree, I’ve traveled to some amazing places, and I have big plans for myself career wise. Also, in some cases, seizures can be fatal. Part of me feels that, by some grace of God, I didn’t lose my life from any of these seizures for a reason. God still wants me on this earth to fulfill my purpose, and I will keep on fighting to find my purpose every day for the rest of my life.
What I Learned: Well, the obvious answer is to take my medicine regularly. But I also learned who is truly there for me. When something like that happens, you realize who in your life is truly there for you and cares about you. In this situation, I was super thankful for my family. But especially my sister and my best friend, Tahely Garcia, who both lived with me at the time and were with me at the hospital after it happened.
- Losing My Job –
This was by far probably the hardest thing that I went through in 2017, and it’s something I’ve debated whether or not I should share on my blog. It wasn’t just losing my job that was hard, it was the months leading up to it that were also bad. I would go home sometimes and just cry into a pillow, I woke up in the morning unexcited to go to work, and left feeling unfulfilled. I sat around all the time and daydreamed about all of the other things I could be doing with my life but was too afraid to do. But, most importantly,
I was not happy.
Maybe bad things have to happen to us in order for better things to come along. Maybe we are blind to the negative things in our life because we fail to realize that we deserve better. Maybe losing my job was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Here’s the story….
On October 24th, 2017 (the day of my little sister’s 21st birthday), I woke up in a great mood with high hopes that it would be a wonderful day. I had gotten my sister tons of gifts and decorated our apartment. I couldn’t wait for her to get home and see the surprises we had for her.
But first, I had to go about my regular day. I went into work in a good mood, the previous week I had been in New York City meeting with clients which was amazing, I’ve always loved New York. I had a lot of great meetings and even closed a big deal, so it felt good to have a win under my belt. So, as one can imagine, when I heard the words “today will be your last day with the company,” I was shocked.
I wasn’t happy at this job for a while. It had been going on for so long that I was kind of just immune to it at this point. If I had a bad day, an issue with a co-worker, or if the company did something I didn’t agree with (which was often), I just learned to deal with it the best I could. I had good weeks and I had bad weeks. There were many reasons for my unhappiness at the company that I won’t get into here, but it was bad. It was very hard to express why I hated my job so much to anyone. Unless you were in my same position, it was hard to see what day-to-day struggles I dealt with. So, I continued at the job, taking the good with the bad and pretending that I was okay.
On my first day of unemployment, I went to visit an old boss of mine I had during an internship as a student (I still live in my college town, so she wasn’t too far). She said something that has stuck with me and opened my eyes —
“Sometimes we get so comfortable where we are with a job, that we just use it as a security blanket. We may be blind to other things, better opportunities, because we just feel so safe.”
Wow, that is truly what I had been doing this whole time.
Since graduating college a little over a year ago, I’ve learned a lot about myself, my interests and passions, and about life in general. I don’t believe that my time at this company was a complete waste. It made me realize what I want to do with my life. I’m finally putting all of the pieces together of what I’ve learned. I’m realizing who I want to become and setting goals to become that person. And, not everyone may agree with me, but if losing my job was what it took to realize this, I’m 100% okay with that.
Here is what I have learned, and my general thoughts over the last couple of weeks of unemployment.
Nothing is worth it if you aren’t happy. Plain and simple. Happiness is so important – it fuels all other good things in your life. Happy people are more motivated and they radiate happiness so that others around them are happy as well.
Mental health is so important. When I was unhappy at my job, my mental health was terrible. My anxiety was through the roof all the time, I wasn’t sleeping, and I truly felt depressed. It is SO IMPORTANT to invest time in YOURSELF in making sure that you are happy.
You have to see the good and the bad in everything. Still to this day, even after everything I went through, I am thankful for this job. It made me realize what I’m passionate about and the career path that I want to take. I also learned a lot from this job. I learned a lot about myself, and I gained transferable skills that I can take to other jobs. While there was a lot that I hated about the job towards the end, I am thankful for the good parts.
It’s okay to realize when you deserve better. On days when I really hated my job, I would sometimes have the thought “I deserve better.” Immediately after that, I would question myself and say “do I deserve better? Everyone hates their job sometimes. I just need to deal with it.” I should have NEVER felt like this. It all goes back to the simple fact that nothing is worth it if you aren’t happy. If I wasn’t happy at this job, I should have taken matters into my own hands and done something about it. But instead, I just decided to stay miserable for a paycheck. It’s sad that it took losing my job to realize this, but it was a major learning experience.
When you are doing things that make you happy and make you better, you are 100 times more motivated to do them in the first place. Almost a week after losing my job, I started having other realizations. Things that made me realize, “maybe this is for the best”. I know who I am and I know what I want to achieve. It may be hard for me to see now, but without losing my job, I may have been blind to these things for much longer. Losing my job was what gave me the confidence to take the leap and finally start my blog. I’ve also had a lot of time to self reflect, and plan what I want in the future for myself.
A job sitting at a desk can be more draining than a job where you’re moving around. Mental exhaustion can be just as serious as physical. In the beginning of my time at this job, I would have days where I would leave feeling so energized. I would be in a great mood and literally smiling from ear to ear sometimes because my day was just THAT GOOD. Towards the end of my time at this job, I never had days like that. I couldn’t figure out what was going on with me. But I was just exhausted at the end of the day. Unmotivated, unhappy, and sad. That’s how I felt. The reason for my feeling this way was obvious: I sat at a desk all day doing something that I didn’t love. Doing a job that was unfulfilling to me. I was practically being taken advantage of and wasn’t doing anything about it. Bottom line is this: if you are unhappy where you are, YOU are the only one who can change that.
If you wouldn’t recommend your job to a friend or someone else that you care about, then why should you be there? The person you should care about the most is yourself. I started to think to myself “would I tell someone I cared about to work here?” The answer was always no. You should care about yourself just as much as anyone else. At this time in my life, I was not taking myself and my feelings/well-being into consideration. I will always put myself first from now on.
everything is a learning experience.
Although I went through a lot this last year, I learned from everything and became a better, stronger person.
i am not perfect.
As a blogger, I want my readers to enjoy my content. I want to have a lot of followers. Of course, who doesn’t want all of those things? But, I also want you guys to know the real me. I’m not perfect. I went to the hospital last year. I lost my job. I go through struggles just like any normal person. No matter how perfect my life or anyones life looks like on social media, it’s not reality.
nothing is worth it if you aren’t happy.
And lastly, my motto for 2018. This year, I’m going to be happy and fall in love with my life. Who’s with me?